I’m not sure what it is, but something changed in me this summer. Maybe it was therapy (it was probably therapy), but I feel different. Confident. A little more like me. For a while I felt a little lost there—floating around, feeling like I never truly had a grasp on who I was and what I was meant to be doing. That’s pretty much what people say your 20’s are all about. But as I’m getting closer to rounding the corner into my 30’s, I feel like I’m settling into something a lot more comfortable. I think my first signifier of this was when I realized that my taste in clothing changed. It all started with a dress I no longer felt myself in.
I was on the train heading to Whole Foods, wearing this floral blue dress that I have worn countless times. It has puffy short sleeves, hugs at my waist at the top, with a full-body skirt at the bottom. It has been my go-to summer dress for a while—especially on the days when I need to be on camera for meetings. I looked at myself in the reflection of the window glass, and for some reason, I felt like a stranger to myself. Like what I was wearing no longer made sense for who I felt I was.
I reflected on this for a moment. What exactly did that mean? I’ve worn this dress so many times and for so long, it was my absolute favorite. And yet, now I didn’t feel like it was meant to be worn by me anymore. Like something shifted in my core.
I know it sounds crazy—it’s a dress. But I think it’s congruent with how I’ve been feeling about the rest of my life lately. I’ve been making a lot of changes in my day-to-day, and quite honestly, the pandemic is the reason for it. My friend circles are a lot smaller now…and I kind of like it. I like investing my time and my energy in the small groups of people in my life, versus trying to give so many people so much of me at once. I like that this also gives me the freedom to work on what I need to for myself—like having the time to focus on some creative projects or taking online courses that can further my career. And while I’m still not so happy about working from home, I am finding there are a lot of blessings in it. Like being able to travel more and spend time with my family.
I don’t exactly feel ready to just Marie Kondo my closet and throw out everything that doesn’t “bring me joy” as of yet, but I think I’m saying all of this because I’m finding that it’s okay if you change. I always defined myself as a specific type of person, thinking that this was who I was and how I needed to act. But maybe you are who you are in different seasons of life, and if you find yourself shifting into a new version of yourself, it’s okay to embrace it. To change the outfit, if you must.